"A life without love is no life at all" - Leonardo da Vinci
You might ask what love might have to do with this. My response? Well love has everything and anything got to do with it! Life without love is dead as love is a part of life that makes it so special. You could look at things from outside in or inside out or even all around and top to bottom. But a life without love is no life at all. THAT is only a fact by personal analysis though. Looking at things from my point of view that is, until you find love and understand what true love is, life would never seem any different but there'll always be something missing. People, I don't even mean love as another human being as the absolute love of your life that you can't live without kind of love :/ I mean the type that cares for you and thinks of what's best of you before themselves kind of love, I mean the kind of friendship that has trust kind of love, I mean the type that holds no anger or hate because they are understanding kind of love, I mean the type that's patient with your most ridiculous kind of habits and flaws kind of love...I mean the kind of love that will lay their life down no matter how agonizingly painful of love. I mean sacrificial, humble and present kind of love. I mean God.
" But whoever does not love does not know God, because God IS love." - 1 John 4:8
Perhaps I'm being naive and bogus because to some God is merely a figment or idol that I cling on to due to self-reserved delusions or perhaps I am delusional in saying that as a grew from a child into a teen, life became clearer because I found God. But, I can't help it. It was like finally understanding a math question or solving a puzzle (I don't like math very much, not anymore than chemistry :S) It was like realizing when this relationship with a friend I had for over 9 years was only ever one that lasted for 3. I was freed, I understood, I saw, I heard and I felt a part of me beat that I never knew existed. Love gave me life to the dead I once was.
Though to most, I was merely growing up and it would be considered maturation but I found comfort and understanding that seemed different. There's just something about knowing inside your heart that makes it so very special. You can talk about it and preach about all you like but that moment, that special moment where you encounter true love, no words can describe and no other actions could imitate. For true love is more precious than silver or gold, it is sacred because it is something you would only understand once you've felt it. And the most astounding thing is, you may go searching to the ends of the world for it but it comes to you in the form of peace, it comes to you willingly no matter where you are.
"After the earthquake came a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire. Then after the fire came a gentle whisper." - 1 Kings 19:12
And the Lord was in the whisper of silence! It's funny how some people search the world for love, when they find love in companionship, they think they've found it! The most precious of things, a relationship as concrete as ever and a person that you can't bear to part with. But if you'd be willing to listen, companionship and love are two that can be parted and joined. It is a choice to love as love can be something shared with everyone. It is communion in love that is a sacred gift of two that devote themselves to being there for one another always. Love however can be shared with all as you could love a friend as you could also love an enemy. Complicated isn't it?
" You have heard that is was said: 'Love your neighbour and hate your enemy'. But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be children of God. He causes his sun to rise on evil and good, and sends rain on the righteous and unrighteous. If you love those that love you, what reward will you get? Do not even the tax collectors do so? And if you greet only your own people, how different are you from others? Do not even pagans do that? Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect." - Mathew 5:43-48
You see, although in modern times, a lot of life has intersected and combined to the point where lines don't exist, they have also created matters to diverse to the point of polar ends. At one time, love was love for love was understood and love was sacred with meaning. As corruptions and cruelty of reality go, it has torn the meaning to that of love and true everlasting unconditional love. Now love could be a girl and a guy who love one another but true love would be one that reaches premises far beyond the understandings of man and woman. True love grasps values and purity in the most plain form to the point where its very existence is too unique to understand. It is personal, it becomes sacred. It is love.
"Now listen, you who say 'Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there then carry on business and make money'. Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are but a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes." - James 4:13
Ever since I've realized I could live like this, there's always been this fear though. Fear it would go away. My dad used to tell me as a baby, I would cry and cry and do anything to find my parents if I were left alone. I would attempt climbing the stairs if it meant finding them and even as a young kid I would stick to them like I was a part of their very being. Funny thing is, when I came to realize it, I knew it was true but I never quite knew how to change it. Probably because I'd already made a habit out of running away from my fears instead of facing them. Now why do I mention this? Well, love made me feel whole again but there were parts of me that had already been damaged. It's like sewing up a bad wound to make sure you don't bleed to death but leaving the bullet inside. One day, it has to be taken out. Your scars will still be there, but you have to prepare yourself to face healing because the moment of healing is astounding but the process of preparation may be a struggle you want to give up.
The lifetime you have to breathe and be in this world will vanish eventually. Question is while you live, do you actually live? or perhaps merely exist with a hole in your soul you try to fill in with things of the world? I struggle so much, then again who doesn't? That's the main reason I write here anyway. But when you struggle, it is not the challenge you should be focusing on, neither is it the darkness around you. It is the light you know very well exists but don't see. It is the love and life that's there searching for you too although you don't see it. For love will find its way but if you choose to give up then you'd never see the day. It's hard, so very hard, and as a friend I recall wrote "Happiness is a pause between two moments of suffering". YET! To have known true happiness is the greatest treasure i've ever had. For it has neither been people nor material goods that have satisfied my wounded, dead soul. It was this love and light that found me when I did not even know I was lost.
Should I die today or tomorrow, I could only hope in all my struggles I did my best. Because bravery is not merely facing what you are afraid of, it is doing it because you have something worth fighting for, it's because you know love enough to fight for it. It is because you understand that life matters. It is because, you fight against death taking away the life that's been given. It is because you've come to understand to live is to love and to love is fight for what is right and to lay down your life for something bigger than yourself. We fight that battle everyday, yet sometimes we do not even realize we all fight the same battle. The battle of death and life.
"The night is nearly over, the day is almost here. So let us put aside the deeds of darkness and put on the armour of light" - Romans 13:12
