War. At a time like this, where in history we are taught that war is over or that we are simply fortunate to live in such peace, it seems that they too are disillusioned. For the war they were fighting was that of what they knew, what they could see. The real war had begun long before theirs started, the real war has never truly ended. The battle between the good and the bad, yes, they did get this part right. But what they didn't know was which the good and bad represented or what power each held. Then again, they never really knew these sides did they? For eternal darkness and sin to the human world was deemed as people and slavery, punishment and fear. For everlasting light and grace to the world was degraded down to merely happiness and joy, being in comfort and retaining the ways of which were accustomed. The truth always there in plain sight, yet never entirely unmasked by the beings that were too contented with what they had.
I've lived a life I've been blessed to have indeed. I've lived a life that as short as it is has been thrown at with experiences of both light and dark. Yet it seems, although I've been born to a war that has started before my time, I have to see its end. Here I stand on my own brink into the darkness that constantly tries to pull me in, here I stand wondering and doubting, sobbing and hurting. The darkness does that to you sometimes. It takes you away from the light long enough to make you doubt because it knows without light, you can't see clearly. It knows that without light, you won't know the way out. I've found myself it that situation again, how did I let my guard down? I will admit to the taunting of the darkness that I am tired, I am weary. I will admit to the darkness that I'm in a pool of hurt and confusion. I will admit to the darkness that I wish sometimes for it to all go away, to be simple. But then I'd also have to admit I always had a way out, I always had someone to take it all away, I always had someone to pick me up when I fell broken beyond repair. He's the very one who made me, the only one that knows me. He is light.
I may be young and I may have doubts, I may constantly wish that life was easier or that I didn't have to fight this war. But then I'd also be giving up to good things in life, the easy things that also bring joy to me. For without one I wouldn't have the other. So the knowledge does frighten me, that as I continue my life as far as The Maker allows me to be it means I have to constantly be there in the battle. But I also have knowledge many don't yet know, that even in shambles and ruins, even when hurt and anguish seems to consume us, even when the darkness is there knocking on our doors threatening to take us away with that temptation of a candy.......there is someone who'd be willing to put Himself before me, there is someone who'd be willing to take that pain as His own, there is someone who's constantly reminding His children that would listen "Remember, don't take candy from strangers", there is someone who loves me more than darkness ever would. He is my light, my strength, my song.
In every war, you'll find that you have two kings: The good and The bad. In this spiritual war, there's the King of light and the King of darkness.....who are the very same Kings of life and death. Yes, the battle still wages on. Yes, the darkness will continue to try and take away. And Yes, I'm still afraid of the darkness and powerless and broken and this pathetic little human child. BUT, as afraid and powerless and broken and pathetic as I may be, I am the child of the King of light. The children who remain faithful and constantly seek to learn from their Father will learn that though afraid of darkness, He's the one who we and the darkness alike should be more afraid of. Because as powerless and broken as we may be, He loves us too much to let us go. Because although He holds the power to destroy us, He also holds the power to make us whole and make us whole he does if we choose to come to Him and submit all to Him.
It is times like this when darkness seems to be so close to consuming me, all I had to do was look at who was truly holding me and shrouding me and protecting me to know that though darkness stands close, light has always been there with me. So I ride off to learn how to fight, I ride off to continue fighting, I ride off knowing there are consequences for my mistakes should I make them but I also ride off knowing that my reasons for riding and fighting are out of love and faith towards my King. For He loved me first when I was unlovely, for He showed me light when I was held captive by darkness, for above all I know when I call He'll be there to help me and save me once again from the darkness of myself.
